An Unfortunate Coincidence
by horseyyay
Summary: Melanie has just been dumped practically at the altar. Packed off on her 'honeymoon' by her friends, she plans to spend 3 weeks getting completely smashed. Legolas ends up appearing in her hotel room and things get awkward. Now they must face the consequences. A bit of comedy and fun. Was a one-shot but due to some requests I have (maybe stupidly) continued. Hope you enjoy. T-rated
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: For once I own pretty much everything... apart from legolas (damn...) **

**A/N: A one-shot... purely because I would have no idea how to continue... well i'm sure if I really tried :P Enjoy the weird twistedness that comes out of my brain when i'm not thinking about the Dark Lord :) partly co written with theviolinxx :) here we go with the comedy :P**

I should be happy. I'm on the way to my dream honeymoon.

Alone. So maybe I shouldn't be so happy. I mean what kind of dick runs away just before his wedding day. Seriously... Who?

No bad me. NO RANTING. I've been banned from ranting. Apparently its bad for my health.

Anyway. So here I am. Why waste a good holiday, right? At least that's what my friends told me as they packed my bags and chucked me on the plane.

My phone beeps at me to alert me to several friend's sympathetic texts reminding me to get on the ferry and have a good time and the smiling face of my ex-husband-to-be filled the screen. The favourite man in my life... well not anymore. Time for that to go.

I enter my photos and begin searching for a new screensaver. Kittens? Too cheerful... flowers? Nope, wedding de ja vu... a familiar face flashes onto my screen. Perfect. My favourite-person-in-the-whole-world-since my-ex-husband-to-be-dumped-me. I select the photo and my phone asks me for confirmation. Oh yes...

I snap out of my daydream as the ferry bumps against the dock. The island is gorgeous... the perfect honeymoon setting. I'm surrounded by happy, loving couples as we all pile off the ferry and I am reminded of what I have lost. And the pitying stares as I walk by are not helping...

I grit my teeth and start consulting my mental checklist of things to do. 1. Check into hotel. 2. Acquire alcohol. Lots of alcohol. 3. Get totally smashed. 4. Wallow in self pity 5. Pass out 6. Nurse hangover and wallow in self pity(again) 7. Repeat as necessary

Step 1. Check into hotel. I walk up to the desk and brace myself.

"Good morning! Would you like to check in?" the receptionist asks so cheerfully it grates.

"Yes, please" I reply tersely

"Room for two, top floor?"

"Change of plan- just one now..."

You could see the cogs working in the receptionists head.

"Oh! ... I'm so sorry?"

"It's fine. He was a dickhead anyway!" After a moment of her staring at me, I prompt "The key?"

"Oh yes! Right away!" She scurries away, hushed whisperings follow, I can feel the gossip in the air.

After a few minutes I clear my throat and she rushes back "I'm so sorry for the wait. Here's your room key, free wifi code and you now have access to full use of the facilities here at the hotel!" her voice over oozed sympathy and I felt my stomach churn and my hands itch to latch themselves around her tiny little neck... I didn't need her sympathy and freebies... but I would take them anyway. Who wouldn't?

The lift journey was torture. Love songs played over and over crashing around in my skull and I practically forced my way out as soon as the doors cracked open. I spilled out into the biggest hotel room I had ever seen.

"OMG"! It's more gorgeous than I ever thought it would be. I dumped my bags and headed out onto the balcony... which wasn't a balcony but a swimming pool which overflowed into the sea far below. I guessed this happened in all the rooms creating a giant waterfall. I wonder what it would look like from the other side...

I wandered back into the hotel room to explore. aside from the humongous living area, there was an overly large bedroom with an equally large bed. I might be camping on the floor... but I would make use of that very large walk in wardrobe.

As I unpacked I despaired. Being too depressed to do it myself, my optimistic friends had packed for me... half of my suitcase was donated to skimpy bikinis and even skimpier lingerie. Like I needed it. I'm on an island full of couples.

Maybe they thought I'd find a handsome waiter and run off into the sunset with him. I emitted a half strangled laugh before collapsing into sobs.

* * *

When I half came to my senses I decided it might be a good time to enlist phase 2. Aquire alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

Now where to buy it. I stride out if the hotel attempting to look dignified despite the fact that my hair and makeup now look total mess and start hunting for somewhere to buy any sort of alcohol that could be transferred back to my hotel room.

I eventually found the local's supplier and bought more alcohol than its physically possible to drink... well I DO have three weeks to drown my sorrows and apply for a liver transplant.

I walk back through the hotel lobby ignoring the stares of the happy couples at the dishevelled vagrant walking through their midst and worshipped the sympathy-born, blind eyes of the hotel staff.

I endured that torturous, never ending lift journey once more before I was back in my room and I could finally relax.

* * *

It was already evening and the sun was just beginning to set. I was having a relaxing little dip in the swimming pool in my least skimpy bikini with several bottles of white wine at hand, and many more empty ones stranded in various places.

This was just to warm up, the real drinking and wallowing would start later.

All of a sudden I heard a very large crash followed by a series of large ringing, slashing noises.

I jumped out of the pool and grabbed an empty wine bottle. Then I smashed it on the ground so I would have some sort of weapon before wobbling back into the hotel room.

Maybe I should call security... nah... I can handle it.

I stumble through the doors into the apartment to see my-favourite-person-in-the-whole-world-since-my-ex-husband-to-be-dumped-me standing right before my eyes. OMG.

I grabbed my phone and held it up next to the figure standing in front of me with a pair of knives held threateningly in my direction and an extremely confused expression on his face.

It's definitely the same guy. First things first. I rang my best friend who picked up on the first ring.

"OMFG IT'S LEGOLAS!

"Who?"

"THE INCREDIBLY HOT GUY STANDING IN MY ROOM POINTING KNIVES AT ME!"

"how much have you drunk"

"LEGOLAS IS STANDING IN MY HOTEL ROOM!"

"Mel... go to sleep" She put the phone down on me and I turned my attention back to Legolas who was now averting his eyes.

Even in my drunk state I realised that he'd probably never seen a female this undressed before.

So I do what any insane drunk person would do. I ran towards him, arms outstretched screaming his name at the top of my lungs. Like I said, it's what anyone would do.

Thankfully he dropped the knives in time to catch me before I killed myself. I hugged him while he stood me upright before hastily extracting himself and mouthing the words "Can you put some clothes on please!"

Well I think that's what it was... I'm not terribly good at lip reading. especially when drunk.

"You can speak out loud you know!" He looked mildly confused before mouthing something else at me.

I grinned "You look like a fish!"

His expression turned to one of horror and he began clutching his throat and what looked like screaming but without the usual sound effects.

I wandered off to find a bottle of vodka and poured it into a glass before returning to the elf who was by this point having a mental breakdown.

I gave it to him and he downed it in one. A pint glass of vodka... I was impressed. must be that elvish voodoo blood stuff.

Hmmm... I looked at the bottle in my hand and raised it to my lips. Yum.

Legolas looked at me with pleading eyes and I naturally assumed he wanted more booze so I went to fetch some. I grabbed the last couple of bottles from the first bag and moved into the second. Oh fuck it why not take the lot.

**Legolas POV**

I thought she was handing me a glass of water so I drank it all at once. I have never been so wrong in my life. All the way down my throat it burnt and I looked at the half-dressed dishevelled monster before me with pleading eyes.

No more please, no more. but she can't hear me because I CAN'T SPEAK! I have NO VOICE! Calm, Legolas calm.

I put my head in my hands and begin to do breathing exercises. You single handedly took down a mumakil. You can handle not being able to speak. Its fine. Everything will be fine.

I heard the abominable excuse for a woman wobble back into the room and turned towards the noise to see her placing several clinking bottles full of more alcoholic liquids onto a table.

I stand up and walk over to tell her to stop. She starts laughing and I remember. No voice. I look round desperately searching for something to write on. I found a small notepad with a weird pen thing which had its ink inside it.

I scrawled on the paper _you must stop drinking_

She looked at the paper and said "I know your name is Legolassss. my name is Melanie!"

I tried again _STOP DRINKING!_

"We're on this crappy little island where couples go when they're married." NOOOOO why won't she get it. I want to speak. I need to speak. I clutch my head in my hands and despair.

Meanwhile she started drinking again. I tried a new tactic and wrote _BAD MELANIE_

"I'm 26" was the barely audible reply. Valar help me. I made a grab for the bottle of alcohol to stop her from drinking more but she had surprisingly good reflexes and a vice like grip.

"Get your hands off my alcohol!" This was the first sentence that she'd said without a slur. I let go completely surprised by this. She was one single minded woman.

I then left the alcohol alone and wrote _its not good for you_. Her face fell "Well it started a couple a months ago..."

**Melanie POV**

Legolas was now over his panic attack and had worked out a way to communicate. He wrote something on paper and I attempted to read it. It had been going very well... I think.

To help me answer his questions I naturally needed some alcohol to get me talking and much to his distress and silent protestations I was now entering the wallow in self pity phase of my holiday plan.

He slid me another piece of paper. It read 'why are you here and why are you so drunk' (I think) I launched into the whole tale with much slurring of words and sobbing. 5 minutes later he was eyeing up the bottles. Within 10 he was drinking like a pro.

* * *

"... and then he left. And now I'm here with you!" An extremely drunk me was sitting on the now alcohol stained, luxury hotel bed with an almost equally drunk elf attempting to rub my back comfortingly.

I can't remember how we got here. I vaguely remember stumbling around the hotel room a lot. He turned me around and looked into my eyes before attempting to slurr something at me. But he couldn't actually say anything which was really cute.

Then I felt a completely inexplainable urge. Which being completely pissed I followed. I moved my head clumsily forwards until my lips touched his. Being equally if not more pissed than I was he didn't really resist.

He tastes nice. That was my last conscious thought before my world was overtaken by flickering images of an extremely graphic nature.

* * *

I surfaced into consciousness feeling slightly tipsy with only the faintest hint of a headache. I crawled out of the bed and grabbed a dressing gown before wandering across the destroyed hotel room and onto the balcony swimming pool thing.

I was suddenly hit by despair as I remembered why I was supposed to be here. Time for phase 7. Repeat as necessary.

I found a couple of half empty wine bottles before heading back to the kitchen to open my first Tequila of the holiday. I then noticed the ornate elvish knives on the counter and next to them was my phone with several frenzied texts from my friends asking about how I was and accusing me of being so drunk I was hallucinating about Legolas.

Wait Legolas... memories of the night before started returning and I crept back to the bedroom before peaking my head around the door.

There was definitely someone in my bed. I crept closer and saw thankfully glazed over piercing blue eyes in an oh so familiar face. Then the memories that had permeated the fog last night began to return.

I went beetroot red with mortification and embarrassment. OMG I sexually assaulted Legolas. I turned back to the kitchen. Damn, I seriously needed that tequila now.

I kept lifting a bottle to my lips as it kept going round in my head... I had sex with Legolas. I had sex with Legolas. I had sex with Legolas and then I remembered a certain bit of Elvish lore. Oh god no... I grabbed a couple more bottles and carried on drinking.

**Legolas POV**

I woke up to a world of white which gradually began to focus. My head felt like several orcs had been stamping on it all night. As my vision focused, a rather pretty human face swam into view.

I could smell alcohol on its breath. Before I could wonder why an intoxicated human woman was leaning over me a creepily obsessive drunk smile appeared on her face and she delivered two words which will haunt me forever.

"Hello husband!" I opened my mouth in a silent scream and reached for my knives.

**Hope you enjoyed!? If you liked it and want more comedy and weirdness (not of this type I assure you)**  
**check out my other fic the dark lord. oh and if Legolas ever appears in your house or whatever... pls don't use this as a guide to how you should act.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own everything but the one thing I really want to... ahh well**

**A/N Soooo... here we are :) This was a one shot and I honestly have no idea where this will go and how long it will go on for... :P I got a couple of requests to continue it so yeah... Thx to** Venipa and CaptainDixy28 **who reviewed and favourited :) everyone else... read,**** review and best of all ENJOY! co-written with theviolinxx**

**Now where were we...**

**Legolas POV **

I reached for my knives.

Which weren't there. Oh Valar, I left them on that worktop thing... Now what do I do?

Instead of knives my fingers touched something cold and hard which I instinctively picked up.

My eyes dimly registered that it was a small bedside lamp as it brought it crashing down onto her head to knock her out.

I didn't want to kill her... a poor, defenceless young woman... I'm sure there should be an innocent in there somewhere.  
I rose out of the bed and found my clothes which were strewn around the room.

My next step was to tie the thing up. She looked so peaceful and innocent when unconscious... but I know the truth. Once she is securely tied I make a beeline for the door.

Which is locked.

No no no no nooooo. I rattle the door handle and throw myself against the door. It was useless and I slid to the bottom of it, my face buried in my hands. I can't be trapped in here... not with her.

Wait... there's a balcony. I can get out! I sprinted across the room, leaping over broken bottles and shards of glass. I reach outside and my hopes fall. Its all... wet. Its a waterfall... and glass walls.

I can't climb down glass... I don't have suckers on my hands. My world started to collapse around me. I'm trapped in an unknown place with this... beast!

After wallowing in self-pity for several minutes I decide that it may be a good idea to clean up.

I look around at the devastation and make a mental checklist of things to do.

1. Remove broken glass

2. Dispose of alcohol (drink, hide or destroy?)

3. General clean up

* * *

Once every single shard of glass was disposed of, alcohol thrown off the waterfall and discarded clothes were neatly folded, I could finally relax.

Except I couldn't. That... thing was still here. Memories of her predatory stare still haunted me every time I closed my eyes.

Don't go there Legolas, think happy. Happy, happy thoughts. Like interrogating the beast... that could be fun.

Oh yes it would. I grabbed my knives and headed towards the thing.

**Melanie POV**

I woke with a start in a darkened room, tied to a chair and let out a gasp. There was a circle of light in front of me.

Suddenly a rope next to my feet moved and I was jerked into the light to see a very pissed off Legolas staring at me with his knives balanced across his knees.

He lifted up a sign _We need to talk._ I felt my cheek heat up and turn bright red and looked at the floor in shame.

"I'm re..." I was about to apologise when he lifted up another sign. _Why am I here?_

"I don't know. Honestly. I don't know why you are in my hotel room and not Middle Earth.

_I'm not in Middle Earth? I just thought I'd stumbled into my own personal hell_

"Was that sarcasm?" A deadly glare was the reply. After an extremely long and awkward silence my wrists started to ache

"Can you untie me now?"

_Did we really... _Legolas' eyes pleaded with me to say now but I turned beetroot red instead and nodded.

Legolas proceeded to have a mental breakdown. As in tearing hair out, facepalming sort of mental breakdown. I wish I had a camera... He's sitting on the floor with his arms around his knees rocking back and forth. I think he's about to cry.

After several minutes he scrawled on the wall. _I WILL NEVER UNTIE YOU!_

"Yay! Well I mean, this is like some peoples fantasy. Tied to a chair with Legolas in the room. Except he isn't normally having a mental breakdown and he's definitely not using his knives in a threatening manner" He looked at me blankly before grabbing the pen and beginning to write what would be a very long meaningful paragraph on the wall.

_I never thought it would be like this. I'm meant to marry a beautiful elleth with perfect manners who doesn't know how to drink, or how to swear. One who dresses properly. My soulmate. I'M MEANT TO MARRY MY SOULMATE! And no, you're not my soulmate. I met you, you got me drunk then viciously attacked me. YOU ROBBED ME OF MY INNOCENCE! _

I cracked up at that point. Legolas didn't notice and just continued.

_MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE! And I'm married to YOU! A DRUNK. An evil, malicious, defiling woman. Oh Valar. My father's going to kill me. I MARRIED A MORTAL! A MONSTROUS MORTAL! My sacred gift to the elleth of my dreams HAS BEEN STOLEN! I'M GOING TO DIE, A LONELY HORRIBLE DEATH, SHUNNED BY MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, MY PEOPLE..._

My cackling distracted him then. He looked at me with a tear stained face.

"Thranduil's going to fucking kill you!" He started banging his head against the wall.

My phone then buzzed with an extremely cheerful 'tweet tweet' alerting me to the presence of a new text.

Legolas crept over to my phone before picking it up like it was going to eat him. He studied it for a while before writing something down on a piece of paper and bringing them both to where I could easily see them.

The text read **Hey... I reconsidered. Alcohol doesn't normally make you hallucinate so... what drugs are you on?'**  
The paper read _what are drugs? And w__hy do you have my face?_

My eyes bugged. OH yeah. I forgot about that. "Ummm... drugs are... complicated... like alcohol but worse..." At his panicked expression I hurriedly added "Don't worry, I don't do drugs. It's just my friends didn't believe me when I told them you were here!" He looked less panicked but not convinced so I continued. "And the face well... I've had a crush on you for a really long time" I tagged a hopefully uncreepy, slightly reassuring smile onto the end.

_What has crushing got to do with this?_

"t means I've umm... liked you? For a long time?!"

Legolas was looking vaguely creeped out now _We've never met_

"Ummm... well... gimme the phone!" His puzzled expression said it all "The thing you are holding!"

He reluctantly untied my wrists before placing it in my hands. I unlocked it and went into my videos before finding the Mumakil scene in ROTK. I beckoned at Legolas and he cautiously walked towards me and I pressed the play button before turning the screen in his direction.

His face grew slowly more and more freaked out. He eventually dropped the phone and lifted me and the chair up by my collar and started screaming silent words in my face.

"Can't hear you... and please don't hurt my phone"

He dropped me and picked up his pen and pad. _How did you get that... thing... No-one else was there._

_"_It's complicated...!" He raised his eyebrows at me. "Ok... Please, please don't freak out but, basically in this world or time or whatever, you are a character from a book. A series of books. Which have now been turned into what you just watched, which is a film. In that film actors played the parts of the characters... It just happens to be that you look identical..." He put his face in his hands and I felt very sorry for him. "Don't be sad. Its going to be fine. I'll make it my personal mission to rehabilitate you and make you feel welcome in this world. In a completely friendly, non-romantic way."

_Do I have a choice about this rehabilitation by you thing?_

"Not really. I mean if you walked around like that you'd get arrested"

_I'm overjoyed. I'm being chaperoned by the person who forced me to marry her. _His face was far from overjoyed.

"About that..." I blushed... a lot. "We technically don't have to be married. In my culture marriage is a ceremony. Lots of people... well... ummm. I think I'll just stop talking now..." This is mortifying. It was suddenly hitting me. I have destroyed his soul, he's had his entire way of life robbed from him. I must be a monster to him

"I'm sorry"

**Hope you all enjoyed... updates may not be all that regular seeing as I am writing another fic, have an irritating co-writer who keeps coming up with ideas for more one shots and well... i do try to have a life... emphasis on try :) review pls everyone, suggestions and concrit are welcomed :) :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**:** Still don't own Legolas :(**

**A/N So you have returned to the madhouse of my mind... Wait... Being creepy is not going to get me readers... Anyway thx all who reviewed, ****favourited and followed. Let the fun begin.**

**_Legolas POV_**

I'm going to KILL Melanie! Slice her and dice her and put her in a pan! She had been stressing for the last three weeks of how she was going to get me off this damn island.

Then she returned to the room one day with a triumphant smile... I didn't dare ask what she was up to. My biggest mistake.

On the day we had to leave she cheerily unveiled her plan... which she zipped me into with a scarily happy, "Lets hope that this will not be part of the 10% of luggage scanned!"

I was so inspired by her words.

* * *

"Bloody hell, you weigh a ton!" I could hear her grunting and groaning as she lugged me into the elevator. Thank the Valar she had stolen some towels and dressing gowns to pad out the suitcase... Otherwise this could be extremely painful.

We endured several minutes of ultra happy love songs in the lift before I was lifted up again. I heard Melanie's voice faintly chirping outside of this little prison and the murmured male reply. I transferred hands before continuing on a much smoother journey.

"What have you got in here Miss, a dead body?" The friendly porter laughed and Melanie joined in rather shrilly. I then felt a strange twirling motion before landing on my head. Which would have been vaguely fine... If the surface beneath me wasn't rocking and swaying.

Help me... The continuous swaying and rocking would not stop. I felt vaguely sick. Where are my knives... Where have you gone my darlings.

My depressive musings ended as I was picked up, only to be lobbed through the air. I exhaled sharply as I hit the floor. That's going to leave some bruises. And I will personally hunt down and kill that porter if my bow got broken by the impact.

I continued on my uncomfortable journey. I was placed on rattly rolling things, weighed, thrown around a lot, rolled down slopes, up slopes, before finally ending up buried under several other bags in the noisiest place I have ever been in. It's worse than the battlefield.

I can feel the power in this thing as it begins to trundle forwards and the roaring grows louder as it speeds up. Pressure begins to build up in my ears and I clench my teeth. What death trap has Melanie put me in now.

Thankfully the pressure began to wear off and I was left in relative peace and an inkling of comfort to reflect on the last few weeks.

Well... I was no longer at home, I no longer had a voice but I did have a depressed, psychotic, alcoholic friend. Ok the psychotic, alcoholic bit isn't really new, I mean I was friends with Gimli. Melanie is just... bonkers, completely and utterly deranged at times.

Apart from the first couple of days where Melanie was insane this experience had been fairly... nice. I have a collection of new clothes, most of which are extremely impractical but I am assured that they are what normal people wear.

I had a haircut. The memory of my hair falling to the floor still haunts me. The lady cutting it had noticed my ears which Melanie managed to pass off as a birth defect. Elves are not defective. I'm still annoyed about that. She could have called it a family trait or something.

I could see something was troubling her the entire way back to the hotel room and she promptly burst into hysterics once the door was safely locked.

"You look like Draco Malfoy!" I glared at her and decided it was best not to ask who this Draco was.

All was set right again in the morning when I waltzed into the kitchen area where Melanie was having her morning coffee with a smug look on my face. My hair had all grown back overnight.

Melanie : 0 My magical voodoo blood stuff : 1

And we had some lovely meals together. I mean the food was gorgeous, the setting was... weird. All around us were happy couples whispering sweet nothings to each other and kissing in public. And Melanie and I sat in silence, passing notes across the table.

I mean we couldn't actually talk. Although some other people gave us scarily sappy looks. I was getting rather worried about that. I'm glad I'm leaving. I just wish I wasn't leaving in a suitcase.

I slipped into daydreams of Mirkwood and my friends and family, of murdering orcs and various competitions with Gimli. Many hours passed as I lay, cramped in the darkness, dreaming of the life I once had.

I was jolted from my reverie by pressure once again building up in my poor sensitive ears. Uggghhh not again. Soon enough another painful journey of being tossed around, my bow digging into my back, commenced.

It eventually ended and I let out the breath I had unintentionally been holding. But it was not over. Before long I was yanked up again and heard the whispered "Sorry!" as Melanie chucked my suitcase onto a trolley. She could be slightly more gentle... I'm feeling a bit delicate right now.

Hopefully the worst was behind me now. I could just hear rattling wheels on several different surfaces and then a blast of cold air as we emerged outside.

We wandered along for a while before Melanie came to a sudden halt. "Oh shit!" And then I heard excited squeals. "I forgot they were picking me up..."

I didn't have to ask who (not that I actually could but...) as the squeals advanced on us.

"Melanie!" and "Did you have fun!" was all I could make out and then I was grabbed again and lugged off. I was heaved up a step and I could now hear several different voices. The journey was smooth and exhausted by the tensions and relative entertainment of the day I began snooze.

_**Melanie POV**_

The most sensible of my friends, Anita, had volunteered to carry the suitcase containing Legolas. I wasn't complaining. He was damn heavy. Although him not being able to speak was very unnerving... I didn't know if he was still alive or not and it would look really bad if I was carrying a dead body in my suitcase...

We finally reached the ginormous Land Rover which my friends had, extremely wisely, decided to come in. Anita unlocked the boot before attempting to heave Legolas into it.

"God, Mel, What the hell have you got it here? Did you sneak a guy back or something! I swear you only went with one suitcase!" At that moment the suitcase bounced off the back of the Land Rover.

_**Legolas POV**_

I woke with a start as I rebounded off something large and hard. My reflexes kicked in as I literally ripped the suitcase apart at the seams. I emerged like a butterfly into the world. I was temporarily blinded as the light assaulted my eyes but soon a grey world with grey buildings and hulking metal creatures came into view. Melanie appeared to be killing herself laughing while her friends all stared at me in horror.

**A/N Like? Not like? let me know with a review :) concrit appreciated but flames will get whats coming for them :P sorry about the awkward POV changes at the end but... :P Still not entirely happy with this chapter but I'm not sure how to change it :P**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: legolas still isn't mine :(**

**A/N: Hi again all :) thanks to **IAmAFantasyFan, high funcioning fangirl, Twisted Tongues, DeLacus, rorythedragon, TheGirlWhoCan'tLetGo, XxEmberRosexX, tribolt2121 **for reviewing, favouriting and following :) reviews are appreciated :) oh and after a few brainstorming sessions me and my cowriter have come up with some ideas involving other lotr characters, so a couple more familiar faces will be joining melanie and legolas... just to add to the mass confusion :P and some good news... I have a vague plotline planned now :P :P not too happy with this chapter but... yeah :) **

_**Melanie pov**_

My friends are refusing to talk to me now. They told me I was absolutely foul and irresponsible for smuggling him back in a suitcase. I had tried to explain the situation to them... But they hadn't listened.

They were still firing disgusted looks at me. I felt like a naughty child. They had even put me in the front to separate me from him. After a while of discontented silence, Legolas leant across and passed me a piece of paper.

_Im guessing its NOT normal to put people in suitcases?_

I stifled a laugh. "No!" My friends were startled by the sound of my voice and looked at Legolas as if he was crazy. I might not have mentioned the fact that he was mute...

_ I get the feeling that you did something very wrong..._

I gulped "You could say that! Apart from the fact that I put a human being in a suitcase you are also now technically an illegal immigrant." I tried to look really innocent at the end. I wasn't doing anything wrong.

He looked kinda startled at that. My friends continued to glare at me.

_Illegal immigrant?_

"Someone who comes to the country to live but doesn't go through the correct authorities. Basically."

_So I'm a criminal..._

"Yeah..." He looked faintly disturbed by that fact then he started scribbling again. My friend's faces were becoming more disapproving by the minute.

_Where am I going to live..._

"Oh yeah... Umm Emily" I put on a pleading, grovel face and turned to my livid friend. I think part of her problem was that she had accidentally grabbed one of legolas's knives by the wrong end.

"What." Her acidic tone made me cringe.

"Can I borrow your caravan?" I crossed my fingers behind my back. It would be very awkward if she didn't say yes.

"What..." I think the truth was beginning to dawn on her

"Well I only have one bedroom in my house..."

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN TOGETHER?! Her demented screech could have shattered windows and I'm pretty sure I heard dogs howling. Legolas and I winced in tandem.

Amanda slammed the brakes on in the middle of the road and all my friends turned to me accusingly. Jenny opened her mouth to speak but I cut in quickly.

"Maybe we could park somewhere we are not going to be crushed by the next lorry to come round the corner?"

Amanda pulled us over into a lay by and then the interrogation began.

"I honestly don't know what's worse. You being so in love with a guy who you have known for TWO WEEKS that you ILLEGALLY SMUGGLE him into the country or you not being in love but STILL smuggling him into the country!"

I had no reply. Legolas was still scribbling on a piece of paper. Amanda turned on him. "And what do you have to say for yourself!" He looked confused and continued scribbling.

"Stop being secretive and scribbling!" Amanda made a grab for the pad and pen but Legolas's legendary reflexes carried him out of range. He scribbled very quickly and held it up for all to see.

_ I CANT SPEAK!_

The awkward silence that followed was only broken by Emily's quiet "I thought he wasn't very talkative."

Then the accusatory stares turned back to me.

"He wanted to come! I could barely stop him!"

They turned back to Legolas who lifted up his pad.

_Its all her fault! I didnt have any choice!_

"Traitor!" I shot at him. He smirked back.

_Its the truth._

If my friends had baseball bats im pretty sure i wouldn't be alive right now... As it was I was just trying to find the door handle. My friends noticed my desperate attempts to escape and locked the car doors.  
DAMN!

"You have abducted a mute guy, who cant complain, against his will, stuffed him in a suitcase and illegally smuggled him into the country..."

"When you put it that way... it doesn't sound too good. I can see how this looks"

"Really? You certainly didn't see anything wrong with it before!"

"I can explain..."

"Go on then."

I gulped. How to start. They were all looking at me expectantly. "Well... Basically..."

Legolas suddenly tapped them on the shoulder and passed them a note. They spent several minutes reading it and passing it around. This is stressful... I have no idea what it says. As long as he hasn't pushed me deeper into this hole or told them the truth it should be fine.

One by one my friends began to start tearing up. I tried to keep a poker face. What the hell has he put in that note!

Then they all scrambled into the back of the car and started hugging Legolas. The sight of his little face drowning under my friends was rather amusing.

"What the hell did you write!" I mouthed at him.

"I will tell you later." he mouthed back. At least I assume that was what he said... Ive never seen him open his mouth except in a screaming rage fit.

My friends spent the rest of the car journey saying sorry and giving me apologetic looks. I HAVE to know what that damn elf told them.

* * *

Once we finally reached my house a whirlwind of bodies herded us into my miniscule kitchen.

"Why do you have to have such a small house." grumbled Jenny, my most sensible friend.

"Its not my fault you're so tall. And I couldn't afford a bigger one! Cottages are expensive!"

"Why did you have to buy a cottage in the middle of nowhere!" I think I must have had this conversation a hundred times... It did mean my friends weren't totally pissed off with me anymore.

"Because... oh I don't know... I liked it?"

Legolas was standing in the doorway with a rather bemused expression on his face.

"Come in! Emily is just about to go and get the caravan but I think we have time for a cup of tea!" Where the hell did that come from... My mouth is sprouting weird things now. I've never offered someone a cup of tea in my entire life. I don't even drink tea.

Amanda and Emily left to get the caravan so it fell to me, Jenny, and the only friend that had found the whole suitcase situation vaguely funny, Alexa, to look after Legolas.

"So Lucas... how did you meet Mel?"

Lucas... OK... he's called himself Lucas. I will try to remember that one. That name is waaaayy too familiar for my liking but I can't for the life of me remember where it comes from.

As Legolas scribbled on his pad it suddenly came to me. I couldn't stop myself. I burst out laughing before memories came flooding back and I began to blush profusely, earning me worried looks from my two out of my three companions. The third was looking all too pleased with himself.

"I'm going to put the kettle on!" I rushed out of the room before they could say anything and headed to the relative privacy of my kitchen. I leant against the sink. He's never going to let me forget it.

I KNEW I recognised that name. I could see several bottles of that damn 'Lucas's Own' vodka that I had shoved down his throat in a drunken stupor.

I hate him. The evil, cunning... My mental rant ended as soon as it had started as the hilarity of the last three weeks dawned on me.

**_Leolas POV_**

I was happily writing down my fabricated first meeting of Melanie, utterly pleased with my choice of name. She had clicked fairly soon after her friend Jenny had said it and was currently doing mysterious things in another room. Putting the kettle on I think it was...

All of a sudden hysterical giggling began to rise from the room Melanie had fled to. We all looked in that direction and her friends looked a bit worried. Then the smashing started.

Alexa and Jenny exchanged looks before making a beeline to the room called 'the kitchen' and I followed. We poked our heads through the doorway to see Melanie sitting against the wall, surrounded by shards of broken plates, giggling madly and crying at the same time.

I tapped Alexa on the shoulder to get her attention and showed her the question I had just written. I think it was a stupid question but...

_Is this what putting the kettle on is?_

**Valinor**

Orome slunk up to Manwe, guilt written all over his face.

"Ummm Manwe..."

"Yes Orome" Manwe replied apprehensively. Orome only had that look on his face when something was wrong.

"I was sort of experimenting with some magical things and I may or may not have accidentally transported Legolas Thranduilon into the future..." Orome paired this statement with a smile, hoping Manwe wouldn't be too angry.

"How in Eru's name did you mange to do THAT!" Manwe looked utterly shocked at this news.

"I don't actually know... Which is why I cant get him back" It was then that the reality of the situation dawned on Manwe.

"You IDIOT! This could change the future of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE! How long has he been there?"

"A month?"

Manwe put his head in his hands. "Legolas Thranduilon has been missing for an ENTIRE MONTH!"

"Yes"

"Right. We need to fix this! You are going to tell me EXACTLY what you did."

"That's another problem... I can't exactly... remember what happened."

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed :) and looking back I realise that people in this story have names that are close to/the same as ones in another fic I have read called Worlds Apart... Just saying now that this is a COMPLETE coincidence... the characters Alexa and Jenny are based on my of my friends in real life (also called Alexa and Jenny) and Melanie was the name of someone in a tv program I was watching while writing this.. that's just to clear anything up :P I am NOT copying or stealing anyone's ideas :P Unless they are being subconsciously fed into my brain...**


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